This day...

13 October 2010

Outside my window...another Autumn night is settling in with its frost and chill. Favorite time of year!

I am thinking... about tradition and embracing my place as head of the home. My husband better know he's a lucky guy. =)

I am thankful for... Good friends, even though I don't have a lot, the ones I have are wonderful.

I am wearing... sweatpants and hard rock t-shirt

I am remembering... when my little guy was little. Had his 1 year check up today. Goodness he's a beast.

I am going... to finish an apron for a friend. I've been putting it off since I got home from the states.

I am currently reading... the yellow ribbon 365 day devotional. gives me something to hold on to.

I am hoping... that people get their lives in gear.

On my mind... balancing needs, wants, and life

Noticing that... my baby is a toddler now and needs a leash.

Pondering these words...¹Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, ²to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

³At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. --Titus 3:1-3

From the kitchen... pork belly, fall veggies, autumn sweets

Around the house... working on a "schedule" or as much of one as I can handle.

One of my favorite things...talking to my hubs when he's not running missions

From my camera...
ok not necessarily my camera (but I do have the rights) he got his 1 year pictures taken while we were stateside. He's a monster.

Thanks to Simple Woman's Daybook who started this exercise in taking a time out. So visit to read others.

Change.

I am not the same woman I was when I married my husband 2 1/2 years ago. Not nearly. In the last year since I had my son I've found myself again and again seeking a way to make my home something wonderful and fully embrace my role as wife and mother. I have always wanted to have a family and be a stay at home mom, but as I found myself faced with the task I realized that being a "traditional" wife and mom could be so much more (at least to me). It's more than just not working. It's keeping my space welcoming and calm so that my husband and those needing a little taste of "home" will be glad to enter. It's having a sense of serenity and peace that is expressed in not only my house, but my mothering, my everyday activities, and my interactions with those around me. It's letting my faith show in the grace I extend to others (and myself) because it's been extended to me. And most importantly it's not getting caught up in the stuff that seems to pile up at the door if I'm not careful.

For some reason, the two women that I keep as my Cabinet of Helpful Goodness, also seem to be leaning in the same direction. One, my sister, has just started homeschooling her kidlets and is working out how to keep her sanity at the least and at the most take over the world. The other, Miss Coco (you can find the story behind the name...here! She calls me Esmerelda =D) is using the month of October to center herself and find some inner peace before the Christmas and Thanksgiving seasons are upon us. With their help, I've found a new appreciation for my faith, my family, and my home over the past few months. There was only one problem...My husband.

Now mind, there is nothing wrong with my husband I love him a lot a lot, but he is...well let's say...a handful. He can curse like a soldier (worse than any sailor I've ever met), cares little about peoples feelings (though frequently is used as a shrink), and can sometimes be...blunt. He is my heart. But as I found myself becoming more serene and home-oriented, I found myself worried that the man I am married too would come back from his war changed in a different direction. He was home for 2 weeks R&R in early September and I found that while he has changed, he has changed in the same direction I have. He want's a little house with a simple yard, and a herd of children. There is something so comforting in that. Knowing that while I am changing and growing so is my child(ren)'s father.

So now I continue to grow. To make my house a home and a haven. To share my faith and my friendship with my Inner Sanctum of Girl Friends. To hope that somewhere in God's plan I get a little house with a little yard where I can live simply with my handful of a husband and my handful of children. And even if I don't, to remember that change is ok if not good, and that I can make the life of a SAHM so much more than just not working.

Friday Fill in 16!

I did one of these way back when. Number 4 maybe? Ah well. I shall play along this week though just for my own personal amusement. Every week Wife of a sailor is nice enough to post 5 questions for those of us lucky enough to be married to a service member to answer. Get to know your fellow milspouses and play along! Or just get a taste of the life of a milspouse. =)

1. What is the longest road trip you’ve ever taken?

Um. When I was little we drove to Boston (9 hours) a few times to visit my Aunt and Uncle. We always asked trival pursuit questions and since I was all of like 10 maybe, my answer was always India. Mind, this was like the original game from 1970-something. Back when I was -16 years old. So India was probably as good a guess as any.

2. Do you collect anything? Tell us a bit about it.
My hubs and I try to get a cup/glass/shot glass from our travels. That's about it.

3. What is your favorite part about being an adult?)
That I can have final decision on any choice I make. Although I stand behind them 100% it's always nice to know that no one else can veto if I have my heart set on something. (Not that I don't take opinions and weight them well in any decision.)

4. What song brings a tear to your eye?
Any soldier song. They all get me. Every stinking one of them. And Leave out all the rest by linkin Park. It's the song that hubs sings to me saying that he knows he's not perfect but that he hopes that I'll always be his. I will.

5. Describe your first plane ride (how old you were, where you were heading, etc).
I don't remember much. I was early teens and flew across the country to WA to visit my sister with her college roommate. I remember arriving there, but not much before that. Maybe I blocked it out.

Go play along!

Day Book

For today...October 6 2010

I haven't written in over a month. I dont' really know why. But this touches my heart every time I stumble across one in my browsing. So I'll write my own...

Outside my window...It's dark and chilly. Frosty mornings are upon us here in Germany. The sun hasn't even started to rise yet.

I am thinking...about my poor baby. He needs to sleep but is fighting and crying. The first week back with a 6 hour time difference is so hard.

I am thankful for...my life. I am so content right now in most ways,and I'm working on the ways that I'm not.

From the kitchen...I'm going to make Chilies Rellanos and apple butter in the next couple days. I also hope to send more of my soldiers downrange cookies. A little bit of baked goods is good for the morale.

I am wearing...Army sweatpants and a shirt that says "Super mom, super wife, super tired"

I am creating...aprons! And soon dish clothes

I am going...no where. I am home.

I am reading...a mystery

I am praying for...calm in the face of chaos and my husbands safety.

I am hoping...that people leave me alone. I kind of just want to be invisible.

I am hearing...Lu breathing and espn

Around the house...Its a wreck. I'm working on keeping a better home

One of my favorite things...my bed.

A few plans for the rest of the week: return to our normal without papa here. Relax. Embrace autumn.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...Happy Birthday baby boy.
Mention my blog and offer a link back to the main page of my blog. http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Want vs. Need

I often hear the people around me share the saying that--

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only option!"

or that

"I'm strong because I NEED to be. "

I don't think this is wrong.
I do need to be strong.
But I think there is more to it.

I WANT to be strong.

I want to make my husband proud of me.
Maybe it's not everything, but to me, just that little change in perception makes a difference.
I'm doing this by my own choice, not because I have to.

And I am proud of that.

So much is just a matter of perspective.

Friday Fill-In!

Today I'm playing "Friday Fill-in" for the second time, even though Wife of a Sailor has held 8 of them. Fin times!
What is ONE thing you’d like civilians to understand about being a military family?

The fact that they don't understand. I find it easier to deal with my civilian counterparts that understand that they have no idea what I'm talking about when I say the the PLL Flooded at Hub's FOB, than the civilians that say "yea, my PLL flooded too." Really? You can compare, but if you haven't lived it, than be willing to admit it.

What is your favorite mistake?

My husband. That sounds bad huh? But no really, He was my "all-in" moment. There were red flags, like the fact that he and the rest of the cooks were apparently competing for my affection, even though he already had a woman (or three) at that time. I knew when I started dating him, that it could end terribly, luckily, somehow we got it right. And here we are 4 years later and a little one under our belts, I am glad I gave him a chance.

What indulgence could you give up for a year?

Rated G answer? pop. I can do without it, but sometimes it's nice to treat myself to a little bit. Rated X answer? Yea. They make t-shirts for it. "sexually deprived for your freedom" `

If you could be a winged animal, what would you be?

A unicorn? Ok no really a duck. I like them. But not like my crazy art teacher in high school who was obsessed with them. I just think they're cute.

What is one question you’d like to see asked in a future MFF?

Favorite "seperation" song?

That is all folks. Have a wonderful Friday! I was just invited to a really delicious sounding dinner since after the stuff I've been slogging through this week I don't really want to be social and attend the post Dinner and a Movie that I was going to. That sounded simpler in my head. =)

Music.

When my husband and I first started seeing each other it was kind of a secret. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and technically he was my boss so we couldn't date. We had a computer system at work that we could send messages back and forth so every time one of us clocked in or clocked out we could go read our emails quick. This became a little game we played. I'd send him lyrics to some RANDOM song and he had to tell me who it was by or the name of the song. He was really good. I was really bad. I could occasionally sing him the song or tell him the next couple lines, but rarely got the artist or title correct without some help from my friend Google.

After we left that job, we started "singing" to each other. I'd send him lyrics in a text message. Sometimes something meaningful like "I can't be here tonight, love makes you sad it's alright no one could ever love me half as good as you." Sometimes not so meaningful things like, "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener." Either way it was a little something that we could pass back and forth that was filled with meaning.

It's now almost 4 years since we met. We are married with a handsome little son and plans to have a whole herd of kidlets. He is gone for a bit to do his job in service of our country. Sometimes we get to talk everyday and sometimes we don't. Facebook has become our little lifeline. Once again we have an opportunity to share our feelings, thoughts, and emotions with each other with the help of music. It's little and seemingly insignificant but some days it makes all the difference to know he's singing to me from a land far away.

"Your words in my memory / Are like music to me."--Set the Fire to the Third Bar

admitting faults.

I am a perfectionist. Kind of. I will readily admit that I am not perfect, but I still get really angry at myself when I fail to do something well. I am working hard on striking the balance between seeing and accepting my faults, and becoming victim to them. So today, I'm going to admit a few. And possibly admit my attempts at working on them.

Organized...i am not. Every few months I make a valid attempt at improving this, especially now that I am the head of household for my family. I have made binders and calenders and lists and chores and charts. I rarely make it past the first few days. A friend (Coco!) recently suggested that maybe I should try post-its and that might work for my random crazy way of life. I tried them in college and they just annoyed me because they were everywhere. I've now tried them for a couple days and between those and a couple random notepads I appear to be doing a little better. Just today I've made 5 phone calls that I usually would have put off or forgotten for the remainder of the week.

I am antisocial. Badly. Really not joking. I am just quite content to chill by myself at home. With Baby Lu and Walker. I'm working on this. Not even necessarily for myself, but for my son. He needs to have friends and social skills. When summer is over, I will be attending play group every opportunity I have. My son needs to learn to interact with more than just me. Especially if I plan on homeschooling him. Wish me luck. I've never been very good at making friends, but maybe I'll get better. Or something.

God. We have this weird relationship. I know He's there and we talk, but I have a very hard time with Religion. My God doesn't go to church. And while I know that I should I never feel like I fit in right. It's a long, hard battle. I don't think I'm ready to start seeking him through church services just yet, but I have begun seeking him through my reading and writing. He speaks. A lot. I just need to listen effectively and when the day comes that he ushers me back into organized religion, I should allow him too. Before he stops using discreet methods and starts hitting me in the head with sticks.


Alright. Enough self-exploration for the day. Time to go check out which post-it the baby is eating. Might be an important one. Wish my child weren't a monster. Or at least weren't so darn cute. He gets away with murder =)

Sacrifice.

I recently sat through a class intended to explain the emotions service members and their spouses feel at different times when prepping for a separation (and during our every day life.) One of the topics that kept coming up was how much I (as a spouse) sacrifice to be married to the army. Spouses can resent the sacrifice. They can use it as a weapon (I gave up my dreams/college/career/home/whatever for you). It can become a huge sticking point. While I understand this, I think it's kind of a cop out. My service member makes sacrifices for me and my family everyday. He works nights and weekends. He put his schooling on hold. He earns all the money while I don't have a job. I think it's an excuse to be unhappy especially when we think about our spouse.

Now mind, I have days too. I have days where I hate the army, this country, the army...I hate everything that has ever happened to have gotten me here. Right where I am today. But after a few hours of pouting I remember that I made every decision to get here. I am the one that married the man that was a soldier. I made the choice to follow him wherever he wandered and provide a home for him to return to.

In my mind sacrifice isn't a loss of something, but an opportunity to give something away with an open heart and a loving spirit. I gave away my safe job in return for a life to be proud of. I gave away my late night shoppette runs in return for the love of my son. I haven't lost anything that hasn't been replaced with something even more wonderful. When I hear people use sacrifice as an excuse is saddens me. It saddens me that they can't find the up side of the exchange.

Maybe next time you start resenting what you've sacrificed for your family, think about what you've gained in return. The love of a good man. Your beautiful child. A sense of independence and exploration you never would have had. An understanding of hard times and hope. There is a bright side. Sometimes you may just have to change your perspective to see it.

Friday Fill-In!

I've been introduced to this much fun meme started over at Wife of a sailor. Come join in the fun!

What is something you wished you’d learned to do earlier in life?

Speak up for myself. I still am not *good* at this, but I'm getting a lot better. Just because I want to help people does not mean they get to walk all over me. And then jump up and down a couple times. And then back up. jerks. =)

What is your biggest pet peeve with the military?

Lack of truthfulness. It's not that they lie to us. It's that occasionally they sugar coat or give you the best possible outcome. I'd much rather they just tell me the straight up truth. Oh. And stupid people. But I think they are everywhere.

What tourist attraction near you have you never seen?

The Munich Glockenspiel. I haven't actually been to Munich yet. I'm a slacker.

What are you avoiding doing right now?

Making dinner. I'm hungry, but don't know what to eat. Oh and cleaning the kitchen.

Wine, beer or liquor?

Any or all. I'm not real picky. I am a big fan of drinks with cream in them though so I guess those mostly involve liquor.