Saturday, January 9, 2010

Military spousery.

I've been a military wife for a year and a half now and I think I'm finally getting the swing of things. It is not easy. No where near it actually. Our friends are constantly promoted or demoted, moved to other countries, or sent to war. My husband is home...occasionally. And when he is, he's tired (with good reason) or stressed. There is constant drama of one variety or another. In fact I was recently accused of lying by another spouse. She'd apparently taken the time to research my entire life and judge what I was allowed to do based on her perceptions. I resolved the issue, don't you worry!

Part of coming into my own as an army spouse has been learning what NOT to do. Don't be the one that shows up in the field while the guys are training. Sounds obvious, but not so much. Don't toe any lines between single soldiers and myself, because perception bites. Don't lie to soften the blow. The military isn't friendly and the sooner you learn that you're the only person playing nicely, the sooner you learn to handle the game.

Another part is learning what to do. Open the door for people, smile and be courteous. They live the same rough life you do and some days the smile at the door is the only thing that keeps you from crying. Entertain yourself. If you wait for someone to entertain you or just plain do nothing, your life will suck...period. Glad we talked about it. Learn that there is more to life than yourself. It is so much bigger than me. There are people that have so much more to bring them down and they have the courage not to be brought down by it.

Most importantly, learn who you are. Constantly try to learn a little more about the person you are and the person you can be. If you don't, if you are nothing more than your husband's spouse, you are nothing. And nothing is never enough.


  1. I grew up an Air Force brat and understand everything you just's hard being the family of military...and BOTH my parents were in the Air Force (not to mention other military Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents & Cousins) so I got it double!

  2. I really can't imagine what it would be like living a military life. So kudos to you!

  3. well said, sister. Your points are great ones...especially the entertaining yourself part. Those who sit at home and pout (all the time...we all do it sometimes, but all the time won't work) are the ones who get divorced or whine about what their spouses do. The best way to stay sane and strong is to find hobbies, things you enjoy, volunteer, work, raise kids, whatever...but find it and do it. Life does not pause when the guys are gone. I know...I'm rambling and writing my own post in comment to yours...bottom line: I agree. :)