Change.

I am not the same woman I was when I married my husband 2 1/2 years ago. Not nearly. In the last year since I had my son I've found myself again and again seeking a way to make my home something wonderful and fully embrace my role as wife and mother. I have always wanted to have a family and be a stay at home mom, but as I found myself faced with the task I realized that being a "traditional" wife and mom could be so much more (at least to me). It's more than just not working. It's keeping my space welcoming and calm so that my husband and those needing a little taste of "home" will be glad to enter. It's having a sense of serenity and peace that is expressed in not only my house, but my mothering, my everyday activities, and my interactions with those around me. It's letting my faith show in the grace I extend to others (and myself) because it's been extended to me. And most importantly it's not getting caught up in the stuff that seems to pile up at the door if I'm not careful.

For some reason, the two women that I keep as my Cabinet of Helpful Goodness, also seem to be leaning in the same direction. One, my sister, has just started homeschooling her kidlets and is working out how to keep her sanity at the least and at the most take over the world. The other, Miss Coco (you can find the story behind the name...here! She calls me Esmerelda =D) is using the month of October to center herself and find some inner peace before the Christmas and Thanksgiving seasons are upon us. With their help, I've found a new appreciation for my faith, my family, and my home over the past few months. There was only one problem...My husband.

Now mind, there is nothing wrong with my husband I love him a lot a lot, but he is...well let's say...a handful. He can curse like a soldier (worse than any sailor I've ever met), cares little about peoples feelings (though frequently is used as a shrink), and can sometimes be...blunt. He is my heart. But as I found myself becoming more serene and home-oriented, I found myself worried that the man I am married too would come back from his war changed in a different direction. He was home for 2 weeks R&R in early September and I found that while he has changed, he has changed in the same direction I have. He want's a little house with a simple yard, and a herd of children. There is something so comforting in that. Knowing that while I am changing and growing so is my child(ren)'s father.

So now I continue to grow. To make my house a home and a haven. To share my faith and my friendship with my Inner Sanctum of Girl Friends. To hope that somewhere in God's plan I get a little house with a little yard where I can live simply with my handful of a husband and my handful of children. And even if I don't, to remember that change is ok if not good, and that I can make the life of a SAHM so much more than just not working.